NY Newsday

September 2, 2007

Back to school: How to de-stress the mornings

BY CLAUDIA GRYVATZ COPQUIN | Special to Newsday

September 2, 2007

Stress is a part of life, but it certainly doesn't have to be part of your family's weekday routine. So, if your goal is to create stress-free, tranquil mornings, begin by establishing serenity now - before school starts.

Over the leisurely summer, we've all been accustomed to relaxing and doing things without much of a schedule, says Shibani Ray-Mazumder of South Setauket, who helps clients cope with stress and life challenges through her business, Life and Mind Matters. But come the beginning of the school year, we're expected to just plunge right into a rigid system driven by the clock. So before that occurs, make a mental energy shift. "Start with the concept of letting go. Acknowledge the pleasures of summer coming to an end, and how wonderful it's been," she says. But, "be positive about what's coming up."

"Be enthusiastic," agrees Andrea S. Libresco of Hofstra University's Department of Curriculum and Teaching. "Parents can set the tone of embracing exciting new changes." Conversely, they also can set a tone of nervous apprehension.

To avoid that, engage your school-age children in conversations about the pleasant aspects of the upcoming school year - making new friends, meeting up with old ones, joining exciting new clubs or after-school activities, learning interesting concepts. And avoid expressing anxiety to them about potential scheduling conflicts, child-care issues, homework and other adult concerns that may worry them needlessly.



Set up the system

Then discuss what will occur during the mornings, and be specific. "Kids need and want structure," says Kathleen Hall, founder of the Stress Institute in Atlanta. "A morning plan reduces confusion and stress by keeping everyone on the same page."

"Set expectations so everyone knows what's required of them," suggests dad Gary Baker of Jamaica Estates, who is responsible for getting his twin 9-year-old boys and 14-year-old daughter to school. "My boys know the six things they need to do ... get out of bed, brush teeth, get dressed, have breakfast. ..."

And they do these things on their own, without a hovering dad encouraging a speedy process. Fostering a sense of independence in your kids is a good strategy, says child psychologist Jennifer Brout of Westchester, who is also the mother of 13-year-old triplets. Relying on themselves to get it together for school leads to a sense of pride, positive self-esteem and a can-do attitude that will carry over to the classroom.



Planning ahead

In addition, there are practical steps parents can take to avoid morning mayhem. The first is to make sure everyone gets enough sleep so the kids don't dawdle in bed when they're supposed to be getting ready. Set specific bedtimes, then create a soothing good-night routine so your children go to sleep feeling secure and calm. Also:

Make a checklist on a bulletin board or dry erase board of each task that needs to be accomplished on school mornings: Dress, brush teeth, comb hair, etc.

Set multiple alarm clocks for backup.

Lay out clothes the night before.

Check the next day's weather report, so umbrellas, snow boots or whatever outdoor gear is appropriate is ready by the front door.

The night before, clean out backpacks and pre-pack all completed homework, parent notices, gym clothes and other necessities.

Bag your child's lunch the night before. If you prefer to put it together in the morning, have all the elements pre-cut and pre-sorted for easy and quick access.

Have a backup plan in case your child misses the bus.



The morning of

"Get up a few minutes ahead of the children," Ray-Mazumder suggests. An advocate of meditation, she suggests parents take a few minutes for deep breathing. "Deep breathing releases anxiety," she says. At the same time, try positive visualization and affirmations, so when your children rise, you appear relaxed and at ease.

Another technique that works with some families is to use a reward system to motivate children to get ready on time. Baker says his sons know if they get everything accomplished on time, they're allowed to watch television. "Even if it's only for 5 minutes, it seems to be a reward for them," he says.

"If your routine is set where the kids adhere to that, that's fine," says Gary Spolansky, a Westbury-based stress management consultant. But he prefers not to include TV or video games in the morning mix. "It's over-stimulation, and it could be a distraction. The kids will say, 'One more minute, one more minute,'" and that will stress out parents, he cautions. Instead, opt to play soft or classical music in the background as kids get ready.

Finally, once the kids are ready to go, in lieu of a frantic run for the door, establish a pleasant goodbye ritual - a kiss on the nose; a special catchphrase you've created just for your children; a funny, elaborate high-five. And always allow time for a warm and wonderful "I love you."

So what’s for breakfast?

Accompanying every mentally healthy morning should be a healthy breakfast. And just because time is short doesn't mean a bowl of cold cereal is the only option (although it can be a good one, if you choose your cereal carefully).

Tina Fuchs, director of Community Health Resources at St. Vincent's Hospital in Manhattan, suggests the following options:

Sweeten the morning with fruit - fresh, dried or frozen ... bananas, raisins, berries. Add them to cereals, smoothies or a yogurt parfait.

Buy plain versions of oatmeal, yogurt or shredded wheat, and teach kids to add fruit or just a small amount of sugar. Once sugar is added in the processing - for instance, "frosted" cereals - you can't take it out.

Check the nutrition facts panel on cereal labels for fiber and sugar content. Limit sugar intake to 6 grams - the equivalent of 1 1/2 teaspoons.

Use granola as a garnish rather than as a main course. Granola is usually toasted in oil and contains nuts, so the calorie count can be far higher than other cereals.

Sandwich it. Use a flatbread (preferably with minimal fat) to house a scrambled egg or peanut butter and banana. Also, using an inexpensive sandwich press allows for creative combos on whole-wheat bread.

Try this recipe: Spread a generous amount of part-skim ricotta cheese on whole-wheat toast instead of butter. Top with fruit and a drizzle of honey for a powerhouse breakfast that provides calcium and protein.

Trash the trans-fats. Pancakes, waffles and muffins are often a source of trans-fats. Look for zero trans-fat and hydrogenated fats when choosing these products or make them yourself ahead of time so you can control the ingredients.

Include some protein such as milk, yogurt, cheese, egg or lean meat to keep the brain alert. It will add to the staying power of the meal to get your kid through to lunch. - Claudia Gryvatz Copquin